Throughout history, there have been those who have predicted the Coming of the End, the Consummation of All Things, the Return of Christ, Armageddon, Ragnarok, what-have-you. The majority of these seers and prognosticators were wise enough to leave the date unspecified, presumably to avoid embarrassment when the expected event failed to materialize. Others, such as Nostradamus and Bishop Ussher, put the date far into the future, long after their corporeal bodies had returned to dust.
There are those few brave souls, however, who are willing to stick their necks out, and give us a date in the near future, when they themselves will presumably still be around to either bask in the glow of glory, or suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, should the cosmic plan go awry. It is to these, the few, the brave and most importantly, the Web-enabled that this list is dedicated.
|July 25, 1994||Sister Marie Gabriel||The impact of a giant comet on Jupiter (Shoemaker-Levy?) will cause the "biggest cosmic explosion in the history of mankind".||Failed|
|February 1997||Ed Dames||The comet Hale-Bopp will eject a space capsule containing lethal pathogens. All life on earth will die (except algae). (Dames is also famous for his claim that he "remotely viewed" the Comet, and decided that it was in fact a giant spaceship, filled with interplanetary ambassadors. This hokum seems to have influenced Sheldon Nidle (see below), and may possibly have had some influence on the ill-fated Heaven's Gate Cult.)||Failed|
|May 5, 1997||Sheldon Nidle||Actually, a whole bunch of things were supposed to happen. First, there was to have been a mass landing of flying saucers on Dec 17 1996, followed by our planet moving into the "Photon Belt" by the end on 1996. Then, on May 5 1997, the "comet" Hale-Bopp was to have delivered 10,000 "ambassadors" to their Australian colony. The rest of Nidle's "updates" are quite hilarious, as he tries to explain why the promised landings never materialized.||Failed|
|October 23, 1997||Bishop James Ussher||The Good Bishop calculated that the world was created on October 23, 4004. Therefore, 6,000 years of human history would end on October 23, 1997 (since there was no year 0).||Failed|
|April 26, 1997||Robert Wadsworth||The beginning of the Great Tribulation. Wadsworth is the editor of "Biblical Astronomy", a newsletter which holds to the geocentric view of the Universe (i.e. that the Sun revolves around the Earth). In my opinion, one of the few true Biblical Literalists remaining. The prediction was made in the May 1997 newsletter, along with several other places.||Failed|
|January 1998||Benjamin Creme||The new Christ, Maitreya, will be interviewed on a major American network. (The Share International website has even set up a mirror site to handle the expected load coming from the interview).||Failed|
|March 31, 1998||Hoh Ming Chen||God's spaceship
will land at the end of March to take away the faithful.
(Fears of suicide have prompted several websites
devoted to the group). Just a few days before this
momentous event, God will announce his intentions on a
insert on channel 18 of all US television sets. Don't
touch that dial!
This group also sponsored a (fruitless) search for the "Jesus of the West" in 1997.
Update: As should now be apparent, the Almighty seems to have missed his scheduled TV appearance on 3/25. Hoh Ming Chen has graciously stated that his predictions can be "...considered nonsense". (See CNN story).
Update: Some of the former cult members, including Master Chen, have now relocated to Lockport, New York, where they expect Doomsday sometime late in 1999. Don't hold your breath.
|May 31, 1998||M.J. Agee||The Rapture,
followed by the Tribulation on May 28, 2001 and the
"end of this age" on September 12, 2007.
Update: Says Marilyn "For whatever reason, he is now tarrying." Ms Agee seems to have tacked another seven days onto her "prophecy", although with a caveat. "The selection process is over. Now we are in the seven day waiting period, the same waiting period Noah had. COULD THIS BE IT?" Sigh.
Another Update: Determined not to let the comedy end, Marilyn now expects the Rapture on June 14. You can't buy this sort of entertainment...
Final (?) Update: After having her last prophecy (the 21st of June) fail, Marilyn appears to have thrown in the towel. The latest incarnation of her Website now simply reads "The Rapture is near". For those who have been keeping score, Marilyn's dates were 5/31/98, 6/6/98, 6/7/98, 6/14/98, 6/21/98. Is it all over now? It would be a shame if it were...
9/9/98 - Another Update: There have been some stirrings from the Agee camp regarding a possible rapture on the 20th of this month.
"Right now, I hope
the Rapture will be on the next Eve of Trumpets, Sept.
"I'm hoping for the Rapture on Elul 29, Sept. 20, 1998." (quoted from this page)
"I am now hoping for the Rapture on the Eve of the Feast of Trumpets, Sept. 20, 1998. I think Eve (type of the Bride of Christ) was taken out of the body of Adam (type of the Body of Christ) on the Eve of Trumpets, then this "kosmos" began to operate on Tishri 1, Saturday, when God rested." (quoted from this page)
"There have been a few countdowns this summer and the final one is now counting to Sept. 20. Many of us have been maybe too eager to accept new dates after pentecost-98 proved to be not the moment. Maybe it is that just about nobody can boast " I knew the right time " + we are tested." (quoted from this page)
9/20/98 - Apparently, God has once again refused to stick to Marilyn's schedule. Next stop, Pentecost 1999!
|May 31, 1998||Peter Hader||Proving once again that most humans
simply cannot understand probability or statistics, Peter
has applied the now-discredited phenomenon of "Bible
Codes" to come up with a date for the Rapture.
Update: Taking a slightly different tack from Marilyn Agee, Peter appears to have chosen the path of honesty. "No individual wants to admit that he made a mistake, but I have. I'm telling you that I made a very big mistake." Well said, Sir! Unfortunately, Peter then follows it up with this gem: "I feel that the Bible Codes are a beautiful gift from God revealing His power and greatness." That hollow bonking sound is me hitting my head against the wall.
Another Update: It appears that the stress was too much for Peter. After foolishly extending his prophecy by seven days, his website is now gone.
|May 31, 1998||Jack W. Langford||Following the lead of Ms Agee (see
above), Jack combines a truly bewildering array of Bible
verses, Jewish feasts and dubious typology to arrive at
May 31 for the date of the Rapture.
Update: Taking the high road, Jack has removed his website following the failure of the May 31 prophecy.
|May 31, 1998||Tim Kittell and David Heischman||Joining the Lemming stampede, these two
seers also cast their votes for the Rapture in May '98.
Update: "If we don't give God the chance to fail, we won't give Him the chance to succeed." Eh? Apparently, these two worthy gentlemen simply misinterpreted the prophecy that the Almighty vouschafed them. "... the failure of our interpretation-- and not the failure of David Heischman's Pentecost prophecy-- should not stop us from seeking the Prize." Are the voices in my head bothering you?
|May 31, 1998||Charles Ryalls||Yet another Agee clone, Charles points to Pentecost, 1998 as THE day!||Failed|
|August 2, 1998||Prophecy Countdown||This site utilizes something known as the "50 Day Mirror Image" to arrive at the 10th day of Av (August 2) as a possible date for the Rapture.||Failed|
|September 20, 1998||Robert Blake||1998 could see the start of the Final War, Armageddon, followed by the establishment of the Millenium in the year 2000.||Failed|
|1998||William Kamm||The Return of Jesus Christ. (Kamm has also made a number of other astonishing predictions. Among them, that he himself will be the next Pope, and that the Antichrist (Maitreya - see entry for Benjamin Creme above) has a secret transmitter installed in all digital watches.)||Failed|
|1998||Hero de Jong||World War III in 1998. Hero definitely has one of the more convoluted methods of calculating the end of the age that I have yet seen.||Failed|
|May 21, 1999||M. J. Agee||The peace agreement between Israel and
the PLO, signed on October 23, 1998 corresponds to the
seven days warning that God gave to Noah. This means that
the world will be given seven months warning before the
Rapture and the start of the Tribulation. Marilyn thus
expects the Rapture in Pentecost
of 1999. Given her previous track
record, I suspect that this prediction should be viewed
with some skepticism.
Update (5/24/99): Marilyn has altered the title of her Website to read "Why I thought the Rapture would be this Pentecost". At this point, she appears to have run out of dates, although she did make the following statement in one of her recent postings:
"If we count 33.5 as 34, as the Jews would do, June 5, 1967 + 34 = June 5, 2001. That agrees pretty well with the Tribulation beginning on the Feast of Weeks in 2001. Sivan 7, 5761 is our May 29, the anniversary of Pentecost in 30 AD on both calendars. I feel that we have to be gone before that..."
Will this date be worked into a future chronology? Stay tuned...
Update (5/29/99): Marilyn has decided to give the Greek Orthodox Pentecost (May 30) a shot. Says Marilyn: "Also, the Israelites went in to spy out the promised land at the time of the firstripe grapes. We are still in that season. It seems to have been 10 days from when the Israelites left Sinai to when they sent the spies into the promised land. That would agree with the 10 days of tribulation in Rev. 2:10. Sivan 6 + 10 days = Sivan 16, May 31, exactly 365 days from May 31, 1998."
Those of us poor mortals who are unable to see the connection between these events will doubtless be the very same who will be wondering where the population has got to come May 30.
Update (6/6/99): One more time around. Marilyn is holding out for a Rapture on the "astronomical Pentecost" (June 20), although apparently without much enthusiasm. Just how many Pentecosts are there, anyway?
Update (6/26/99): In her latest communiqu, Marilyn talks about the fact that David reigned in Jerusalem 33 years and Hebron for 7 years. For some reason that escapes us, this apparently might be a clue that Jesus is coming back in 2000. (1967 plus 33 years is 2000, less the seven years for the Tribulation. See?) This date is apparently strengenthed by the fact that Jesus only spoke to the Fig tree on his third visit, as recorded in Luke 13. Again, a strong clue that Jesus will be returning in 2000. (Since he only came and "looked" in 1998 and 1999, Marilyn's two previously failed attempts at soothsaying.) Time will tell if this latest round of biblical confusion will result in a new date.
Update (7/8/99): The Energizer Bunny of biblical prophecy appears truly unstoppable. Marilyn has now decided to officially announce her vote for a rapture in the year 2000, specifically June 9/10. The Oracle speaks thusly:
"It seems that the Lord is showing us by the process of elimination, that the third year in the parable of the barren fig tree in Lu. 13:6-9 is the right year. It is the year when the Lord SPEAKS."
It apparently has not occurred to the redoubtable scholar that on each occasion she is able to support her latest guess with Biblical proof. One suspects that 2001, 2002, 2003 etc. will similarly be sought for and found in the pages of Holy Writ.
|July 7, 1999||Eileen Lakes||The pole shift in July 1999 will immerse
the world in the Water
Baptism. At 7 am GMT, according to Eileen, the world
will turn 90 degrees to the right (?) "very
instantly". Some sort of umbrella might be in order.
Update: 7/7/99 It's a beautiful day here in Florida. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and, well, you get the general idea. There does, however, appear to be a distinct absence of towering waves of destruction and death. Such things are generally hard to miss. Will there be a response from the irrepressible Lakes, or will the dreaded "error - 404" be her fate? Time will tell.
"Why are we here? For what do we live? Space Aliens created us! We are marked and judged by their computers." Says it all, really. Loopy.
|July 28, 1999||Gerald L. Vano||Gerald combines an eclectic mix of crop circles, meteor showers, eclipses and Nostradamus to arrive at a number of significant dates. July 28, 1999 will see the end of the "Church Age", during an eclipse of the sun, to be followed by the destruction of Rome by a vagrant meteor during the Leonid Shower in November. This will in turn be followed by the Rapture "during the first four months of the year 2000". (May 2000 will see the inevitable pole shift predicted by Richard Noone.)||Failed|
|July 1999||Nostradamus||Antichrist comes from the Sky. Predicted in quatrain 72. (Could also possibly be August 2000, if we assume that Nostradamus had not corrected for the Gregorian shift. Opinion is divided. Also, the month could possibly be September. It depends on what Nostradamus meant by "seven months". In the old Roman Calendar, September was the seventh month.)||Failed|
|September 11, 1999||Jan Weaver Gindorf||Jan uses the reign of Uzziah as a parallel of modern Israel to arrive at a date 51 years after the founding of Israel as a possible time for the Rapture.||Failed|
|September 11, 1999||Michael Rood||Rosh Hashanah, (Tishri 1) which equates
to sundown, September 11, 1999 will be the year 6001,
according to this scholar. (An error was introduced in
the Jewish calendar, he claims, which makes the generally
accepted date off by several years). This will be the
"Great and Notable Day of the LORD".
Although the Rapture is not expected at this time, it will see the beginning of "...bloodshed, plagues, and all manner of pestilence", followed at some unspecified time by the coming of the Messiah.
Update (9/24/99): While recounting his trip to Jerusalem for Rosh Hashanah, Michael makes the incisive observation that "The countdown to the 7th millennium came and went without incident." Not to worry, though. The Day of the Lord has been postponed just one month, a month of preparation, according to conveniently unspecified "astronomical and mathematical evidence".
Exclaims Michael: "Don't you just love these dress rehearsals for the Day of the Lord?"
More than you could possibly know.
|September 11, 1999||Jason Hommel||Jason was "amazed" to find
that there are 5760
grains of gold in a Troy pound. Couple this with the
amazing fact that the number of faces, sides and vertices
of a cube can be miltiplied to get 576, and we get a
clear indication that the Jewish year 5760 (1999) will
see the Rapture of the Church.
Jason goes on to say "...the associative thought processes that lead one to accomplish rational thinking and figuring were completely absent from this process." A truer word was never spoken, Brother.
Update (9/18/99): In a fairly unusual move for a latter day prophet, Jason has posted a full apology to his website.
|September 11, 1999||Bonnie Gaunt, Ron Reese||Building upon the Bible
Codes unbroken record of absolutely no hits, these
two denizens of Maranatha Ministries cast their vote for
Rosh Hashana, 5760.
Update (9/18/99): The site that contained the offending piece of prognostication disappeared almost before the dust had settled on September 11. Here is a link to a deja.com message with the original text.
|October 11-12, 1999||Michael Rood||The end of the thirty days "preparation" for the Day of the Lord.||Failed|
|November 7, 1999||Richard Hoagland||If we needed any further proof that
Hoagland has lost all remaining touch with reality, this
is it. In between ramblings about SOHO, Art Bell and NASA, Richard tells us
that something momentous is about to befall on November
7th, the date of the X-Files
season opener. Now, I like the X-Files as much as the
next guy, but I doubt that Chris Carter is really privy
to Inside Information of Mysterious Happenings. I'm sure
he would agree.
If you are wondering who Richard Hoagland is anyway, he had a spell as the foremost exponent of that Outerplanetary Anomaly, the "Face on Mars". When the Mars Global Surveyor revealed the Face to be a bunch of rocks, poor Richard apparently went off the deep end.
Update (11/09/99): Perhaps we should wait for part II of the seaon opener?
|November 29, 1999||Dumitru Duduman||According to a series of visions received by Mr. Duduman, "Babylon" (i.e. the United States) will be destroyed in a nuclear conflagration in the near future. According to this vision, the date is apparently about three years from Nov 29, 1996, i.e. the end of November, 1999.||Failed|
|November, 1999||Kevin Brent Pryor||The nut meter reading is definitely off
the scale for this one...
Kevin predicts that Jesus will be born (again) in November of 1999, possibly the 22nd of the month, in the form of a baby girl called "Uni", in California. How did he arrive at this somewhat unorthodox conclusion? Well, you see, it's because Jesus' real birthday is July 4th (yes - that July 4th). Oh, and also, Kevin was John the Baptist 2000 years ago.
|December 6, 1999||Cutting Edge||One of the more unintentionally funny sites it has been my pleasure to read, this article details how the wicked Illuminati are planning to kickstart the End Times by crashing the Galileo probe into Jupiter, thereby turning it into a second sun in the sky. (Didn't I read this in 2010?)||Failed|